Feeling, Detachment, and Awakening
- NEERAJ SUTHAR
- Jan 2
- 5 min read
Why Knowing the Truth Doesn’t Cancel Being Human
There comes a point in life when spiritual knowledge stops feeling comforting and starts feeling confrontational.
This is where the real questions begin.
If death is unavoidable, why are we born?If we are not the body, why does the body react with fear?If attachment causes suffering, why does love still feel meaningful?And if realization is real, why does grief still show up?
Most people rush to answers.Very few sit with tension.
This article is about that tension.
The Fundamental Misunderstanding About Detachment
Detachment is often taught as emotional withdrawal.
It is not.
The Bhagavad Gita never asks a human to stop feeling. It asks something far more difficult:
Feel fully, without losing clarity.
Detachment (vairāgya) does not mean indifference.It means non-ownership.
You still feel pain when hurt.You still feel fear when threatened.You still feel love when connected.
But you no longer build your identity on these states.
That distinction changes everything.
Why Fear Persists Even After “Knowing”
One of the most uncomfortable realizations is this:
Awareness does not cancel biology.
You can know:
that you are not the body
that death is inevitable
that consciousness may continue beyond form
And still:
flinch at pain
feel fear near death
protect the body instinctively
This is not spiritual failure.This is a proper incarnation.
Fear is not ignorance.It is a survival mechanism.
The mistake is not feeling fear.The mistake is mistaking fear for truth.
Arjuna, Abhimanyu, and the Myth of Emotional Enlightenment
There is a story often misunderstood.
When Abhimanyu dies in the Mahabharata, Arjuna grieves.And Krishna is said to weep—not for the death itself, but for Arjuna’s pain.
At first glance, this looks contradictory.
Did Krishna not teach Arjuna the Gita?Did Arjuna not understand that the soul is eternal?
So why grief?
Because the Gita was never about emotional suppression.
Arjuna’s duty was not:
to stop loving his son
to bypass grief with philosophy
His duty was:
to grieve without abandoning dharma
to feel without collapsing into despair
to love without becoming blind
And he did exactly that.
If Arjuna had not felt pain, that would have been a failure of humanity—not a success of spirituality. This pain is what makes us human - a biological being.
Detachment Is Not About Avoiding Pain
It’s About Avoiding Distortion
Pain is unavoidable.Distortion is optional.
Distortion is when:
grief becomes identity
loss becomes meaninglessness
love becomes dependency
fear becomes paralysis
The Gita teaches clarity inside emotion, not escape from emotion.
This is why mature spirituality feels grounded, not dramatic.
“Aham Brahmāsmi” — Awakening or Ego?
The statement Aham Brahmāsmi (“I am Brahman”) is among the most misused ideas in spiritual discourse.
Taken from the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, it does not mean:
“This personality is divine”
“I am superior”
“Nothing affects me”
It points to something far subtler:
The awareness through which ‘I’ is known is not separate from ultimate reality.
The danger lies in who says it.
When the doer says “I am Brahman,”ego inflates.
When the observer recognizes it,ego dissolves.
A simple test applies:
If the thought makes you feel bigger, it’s ego
If it makes you feel quieter, it’s insight
True awakening does not expand identity.It de-centers it.
Why “Neti Neti” Is Safer Than Affirmations
The Upanishadic method Neti Neti (“not this, not this”) is powerful precisely because it does not add anything.
It subtracts.
Not the body
Not thoughts
Not emotions
Not roles
Not even the idea “I am aware”
Ego survives by accumulation.It dies by subtraction.
Affirmations often strengthen identity.Negation weakens it.
This is why Neti Neti quietly moves one into the observer perspective without creating a new spiritual self.
Why the Awakened Sound Unimpressive
One of the clearest signs of maturity is this:
The need to sound awakened disappears.
Language requires separation:
speaker and listener
teacher and student
Awareness collapses those distinctions internally.
So answers become:
simple
minimal
sometimes unsatisfying
This is why genuinely realized individuals often sound ordinary, while performative spirituality sounds absolute and confident.
Certainty is comforting.Clarity is quieter.
If Death Is Certain, Why Are We Born at All?
This is the question most philosophies circle around but rarely answer honestly.
If everything ends—if bodies decay, relationships dissolve, identities disappear—Then what exactly is the point?
The Bhagavad Gita does something radical here.It does not provide a final metaphysical reason for birth.
Instead, it shifts the frame.
Life is not born to reach a destination.Life arises to be experienced.
Meaning is not assigned upfront.It emerges through participation.
A song does not exist because it will last forever.It exists because it can be heard now.
Impermanence does not cancel meaning.It defines it.
The Doer, the Observer, and the Order That Matters
A critical mistake in modern spirituality is reversing the order.
People try to become observers before learning detachment.That never works.
The correct sequence is:
Detachment (Vairāgya) – cleaning perception
Doer (Kartā) – acting responsibly without ownership
Observer (Sākṣī) – witnessing without dissociation
Without detachment:
the doer becomes ego
the observer becomes numbness
Detachment does not stop action.It removes psychological clinging to outcomes.
Only then can one act fully and observe clearly.
“God Wasted 10 Years of My Life” vs “I Got a Restart”
This tension is not philosophical—it’s deeply personal.
There are two ways to look at lost years.
Lens 1: Loss (Emotionally True)
Some experiences are age-locked.Some doors do not reopen.
You cannot redo:
school innocence
college romance
early versions of yourself
Acknowledging this is not negativity.It is grief, and grief deserves respect.
Lens 2: Restart (Existentially True)
A restart does not mean:
same timeline
same innocence
It means:
higher awareness
fewer illusions
more agency
You don’t replay Version 1.You author Version 2 with eyes open.
These lenses are not enemies.
One answers what was lost.The other answers what now.
Maturity is holding both without collapsing into either.
Love, Missed Opportunities, and the Myth of “Too Late”
When you get into a relationship, early love feels intense because it is unconscious.Later love feels meaningful because it is chosen.
They are not substitutes.They are different experiences.
Missing one does not invalidate the other.
What hurts is not the absence of love—it is the absence of that particular version of it.
That loss is real.
But love itself is not exhausted by time.Only certain forms are.
Why Most Spiritual Quotes Fall Apart Under Scrutiny
Quotes like:
“Everything happens for a reason”
often fail because they try to justify pain instead of helping people live with it.
A more honest framing is:
Not everything was necessary.Not everything was wasted.Some things simply happened.And now you respond.
This removes:
divine micromanagement
victim-blaming spirituality
forced gratitude
And restores:
authorship
responsibility
dignity
Awakening Is Not an Achievement
It’s a Reduction
Awakening does not give:
certainty
cosmic explanations
moral superiority
It gives:
fewer false positions
less internal noise
more tolerance for not-knowing
That’s why awakened people often sound unimpressive.
There is nothing to sell.Nothing to defend.Nothing to prove.
The Quiet, Livable Conclusion
You are allowed to:
know that everything ends
feel pain when it does
love without guarantees
act without ultimate certainty
Spirituality does not ask you to escape being human.
It asks you to inhabit it without distortion.
One Line Worth Keeping
I don’t need to justify my past to respect my future.
No denial.No romanticizing suffering.No false certainty.
Just clarity—and the courage to live anyway.
Final Note
If this article resonates, it’s not because it offers answers. It’s because it refuses to lie.
And sometimes, that’s the most peace an honest mind can ask for.
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